Palm My Ass

So I went to lunch at the “Between the Buns” family restaurant in Mishawaka today. Like the other locations the theme is sports with each table being a different team of whatever sport. Well my old buddy Harry and I were sat at the “ICE” table. “ICE” stands for “Indiana Cheer Elite”.

Cheerleading is a sport now? Have I been in a coma? I thought cheerleading was something done as a sideline at a REAL sporting event? But then again I guess there ARE a couple movies about the trials and tribulations of cheerleading. Let’s see, there’s “Bring it On” and… uhhh… “Bring it On Again” and… uhhh…

(time to do a quick Google search)… yeah, there’s other well known titles like “Sugar and Spice”, “Cheer” and “The Positively True Adventures of the Alleged Texas Cheerleader-Murdering Mom” (based on true events, see it this Sunday on the Lifetime network.).

“Riiiight”

In my mind gymnastics is not a sport, so that means synchronized gymnastics isn’t a sport either. Now that I’ve possibly pissed off some woman that one hand drives her SUV so she can brag about whoring up her 6 year old for this weeks “competition” on her cell phone, I have to talk about another aspect of Cheering.

Dudes. Among the photos embedded into the table was a group picture of male cheerleaders making faces like they were some kind of bad-asses. One guy in particular looked as if he was pissed about his father dying of an alcohol soaked liver due to the poor guy wanting to forget his son being a worm boy. Come on, am I suppose to be scared? What are you going to do? Palm my ass and lift me up in the air? Since I’m roughly the size of a classic Volkswagon Bettle, I doubt that’s gonna happen.

It boils down to this… I come from the day when cheerleaders were looked at as sex objects (i.e. Dallas Cheerleaders) and their gyrating bodies could induce us in the crowd to “cheer” for our team or maybe even take extra long showers. Now it’s considered a “sport” and I guess I can live with that, but does that mean now we have parents going to sporting events to cheer there children which are in turn cheering for a sports team. That’s fucked up. It kinda reminds me of my old suck-ass high school that had half the crowd leave after halftime of a football game because they were “Band Parents”. That’s a whole different breed of Melvin there folks.

Yargnits OUT